We’re all going to Bulacan today to visit mom’s grave. It’s been months since we last visited and we miss going there.

We all miss my mom so much. It’s never been the same since she passed away more almost 2 years ago. She’s the pasimuno when it comes to goofing around hehehe…

Oh well. Life and death goes hand in hand. Death is inevitable. Some die young, others live to be a hundred.

Have a blessed Sunday everyone.

I have made peace with my current situation, Howling. I know that things happen for a reason and maybe, this is a blessing in disguise, I just don’t look at it this way. Maybe, God is telling me something and as you’ve said kuya, I’m not listening to Him. I am straining to listen to what I wanted to hear, stubborn girl that I am. Not anymore, though

Now, I try to inject something positive in everything that I do. I try my best to reject all the negative thoughts that pop inside my head. Course, there are times that I’d succumb to temptation again but I know He’ll keep me in line He commissions a lot of reinforcements naman in the form of friends, offline and online (di ba sis and ate ghee ^_^).

My heart is full of happiness right now because I felt His love this morning. Nagpapansin, mam, effective naman! Hahaha!

I SO LOVE LIFE!!!

How come Carlyne’s not with you?
Paolo shrugs. Damn if I know where she is.
Hah! LQ kayo ano, pare?
Course not!
Ahh.. I remember, I saw her at the canteen with Wakee.
WTF??? When? Abruptly stands up.
Hahaha! Admit it, you two are not in good terms right now. Valentine’s pa naman!
Shut up!
What happened?
Nothing. I don’t know why she suddenly refuses to talk to me. Or even see me!
Hmm… strange… I saw her yesterday at the mall, buying gifts for you.
Paolo’s frown slowly disappears. Replaced by a beatific smile. Hahaha! Now I get it! That silly girl!
Carlyne’s coming, Pao.
Hey angel! Carlyne tries to ignore Paolo but he grabs her and hugs her from the back. Kisses her shoulder.
Carlyne’s smiling. Who told you???
Come on, fight with me so we can make up already. Hehehe.
Carlyne turns around and hugs Paolo. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Corny mo!
Hahaha! You fell for my ploy kaya!
I love you, angel.
Ikaw ang corny, Paolo!
Bites her shoulder. Paolo?? How come you’re calling me Paolo?
Eh, that’s your name kaya.
Kisses her. Three times before they both came up for air.
Say you love me, Carly.
I love you, baby!

*An excerpt from the mini-novel I’m doing.

It took me a loooong time to accept everything. It’s hard. There’s a lot of resistance from within. I kept on pretending that I can survive that way but boy was I wrong! Denial was the name of the game. Slowly, after that enlightening talk that made me realize the lies I’ve been living in, life’s going back to the way it used to be… Before all the denials.

I can proudly say that I’m giving my 99% of myself now. There are lapses, yes, but hey, I wouldn’t be human without it!

***

Everything in God’s time.

***

Life is never about how bravely you struggle.
Oftentimes, it can be about how willingly you SURRENDER.
Allow God to embrace you just as you are,
and let His love heal you and make you the beautiful,
wonderful, happy person that He made you to be.
God bless everyone!

HAPPY THURSDAY! ^_^

I don’t like Friendster that much. I get into this rollercoaster ride whenever I open it. Happy and sad and envious and mad at myself for being envious… Hay…

I saw a friend’s account. She got married already pala. I was not invited! Hehehe… Okay lang. We had a falling out a couple of years back. Forgive and forget. The friendship was already broken and there’s a gap as wide as the ocean that we can never bridge again. I just felt sad and depressed. It was partly my fault that our friendship was broken. And she was a good friend. Until that falling out. Depressed the hell out of me when I viewed her wedding photos.

I saw another former friend’s account. Eto yung kasangga ko back in college until my early years of being an accountant. She’s still single like me. There’s just one pic that I saw that made me recall all the good days back when we’re reviewing for the board exams. Made me teary-eyed.

From the time I viewed all those photos until now, I’m still feeling down. I miss them. I miss the old days.

These are sure signs of growing old. It’ll be my 29th birthday on August 3. I started getting old when I was 12. So indulge me when I say that I might be undergoing a midlife crisis soon.

Funny how I didn’t feel any negative feeling that night. Just happiness. I was so happy seeing you after a long time. It was a totally great feeling that threatened to overwhelm me…

Then walking in the rain made me realize so many things. For so long I’ve kept you in my heart. Crazy, yes. But I nurtured that feeling. I’ve taken care of it all these years. But are my feelings really intended for you? Or am I just nurturing the idea of being in love with someone from my past?

Worse! I am in love with the idea of being in love!

Can I really see myself with you? No, I don’t. You’re not even my type. I want a man who will sustain me through the years. With whom I can talk to. Who will make me feel loved and cherished. With whom I can argue and laugh with. I don’t want a man who has polygamy screaming at his aura and bloodline. No way would I stand guard over a man for the rest of my life. Then again, a one night stand would not hurt. Hahahah kidding!

This damn song is making me all weak in my resolve to get him out of my system. Stop singing in my head…

Looking ahead I see the two of us together… I’m living in a brighter world now that I have you…